“I think I have a concussion.” Sometimes your kids say the darnedest things at the most inconvenient times.
It was a bright February Sunday, and my wife and I were in the middle of hosting our annual Family Fun Day event. With almost a hundred of our closest family and friends gathered at a park for a day of fun and festivities, I was in full-on “host mode” and did not have time for “concussions.” My daughter, Megan, has always had a flair for the dramatic, and any casual bump to the head could earn the “concussion” self-diagnosis from her. Then she said something that got me to stop flipping burgers and really listen. “Daddy, it feels just like the last time I had a concussion when I was 5.” I’ll spare you the details in between, but it turned out that this time, the drama was in fact justified. She had fallen backwards while sliding down a skateboard ramp and smacked her head at the base of her skull. After several trips for testing and consultations, the prescription was a month of bed rest with no electronics, writing, or reading. As a freshman in high school, this developed into quite a setback for our 14-year-old.
As the fog of Megan’s concussion symptoms gradually lifted, she continued to complain of a variety of issues. As a parent, you’re forced to wear two different hats: On one side, you must care for and attend to all of your child’s unique needs, but on the other, you need to push them to grow and learn from the past without indulging in circumstance and story. The line between can be quite blurry. In this case, though, it became apparent that her issues weren’t going to recede conveniently on their own. In order to help her resolve issues that weren’t fitting neatly into existing medical boxes, it meant that we needed to become our own health advocates for her. We consulted many medical and mental professionals, who each required different tests and follow-up appointments. It forced me to challenge how I prioritized my existing responsibilities as an entrepreneur, volunteer, husband, and father of two other kids—who each expected the same amount of attention they had been accustomed to receiving. However, this time my daughter needed me to drop everything and help her find relief and a path forward. As a father who loves my daughter unconditionally, there really wasn’t any choice, just a new challenge to solve.
Life throws us challenges like this all the time. We wake up and have a sense of how our day might go and our rough plan for who, what, when, and why. Then life smirks and reminds us that it always wakes up before we do and has been making other plans for us already.
It leaves us feeling like life is somehow unfair or always working against our intentions. I have learned to stop resisting these inconvenient “edits” to the plan and instead just figure out how to be limber with them. It doesn’t stop them from occurring—because they never will—but I’ve found that if I embrace them and quickly try to integrate these uncalled-for developments into my plan, I don’t suffer as much. It’s something my mom taught during a time when life truly challenged everything she had ever planned and hoped for. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,” she said. It was a stunning and powerful perspective to me, given what she was dealing with.
At the time that Megan needed me most, I already had a full daily list of who, what, when and why. I had just acquired a new company and was struggling to integrate it into the growing agency I had been building for 14 years. I was also serving as the Learning and Social chair for the South Florida Entrepreneurs’ Organization chapter, planning over 30 events a year, and helping my son navigate his senior year of high school, while my youngest was discovering her teenage self smack in the middle of 7th grade. Plus all of life’s usual day-to-day list of to-dos. I don’t mean to sound like a victim; I’m just as busy as everyone else. I just chose not to suffer about this new development that demanded time that wasn’t already accounted for. What it did force me to do was to start making different choices. It was the beginning of a new phase of introspection about my strengths and weaknesses. When I really started looking at it, I found I was spending the greatest amount of time doing things I wasn’t really great at. I wasn’t playing to my strengths while covering for my weaknesses, and I was wasting a lot of time in the process. And that’s the point. If you resist what life throws at you instead of embracing and integrating it, you might miss the opportunity to grow and expand your world.
Megan’s diagnosis journey lasted roughly six months. The remainder of her sophomore year became an academic washout, but in the end she finally came to understand what has happening and we identified a path forward again. With her permission, I can share with you that she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, along with ADHD. Megan has since become her own powerful advocate, and most importantly, she refuses to indulge in the role of victim. She has continued to challenge herself to understand how her brain works and how to cope with and manage her symptoms to turn them into strengths in her daily life. I could tell you that I’m proud of her, but that doesn’t even come close to doing my feelings justice.
Last Sunday my wife and I sat beaming as we watched her walk the stage in front of 1,200 senior peers and graduate high school. This young woman shone with confidence under her graduation cap that she had adorned with glitter: gold and red flowers representing her new university, Flagler College. Down the center of the cap she had added the very meaningful words, “What she tackles, she conquers.” Around her neck hung cords recognizing her leadership in student government, American Sign Language, and a GPA above 4.0. In her mind was the recent memory of being awarded two teacher-nominated Outstanding Academic Achievement awards in literature and physical education. All of this after also working to lose 20 pounds through a rigorous and responsible weight loss program. Next, she’s headed to her school of first choice with a combination of Bright Futures and Flagler College President’s scholarships in hand. I can only imagine what else lies ahead, and all of this from the girl who was terrified three years ago to tell us that she didn’t think she would even graduate. Like I said, proud doesn’t cover it.
I had always been taught that hard work and determination were the keys to success.
I put these principles to work when I started my own journey as a business owner 17 years ago. Along the way I learned many other invaluable lessons about servant leadership, authentic communication, aligning my actions with my core values and much more. Through all these lessons I’ve learned that my success has always been related to consistently seeking deeper understanding about myself and how life occurs. As I continued to explore and discover each new distinction about myself, it opened new doors of opportunity and growth. I just keep looking forward with dogged optimism and self-aware curiosity, regardless of life’s alternate daily plan for me.
This has been a good year for me, maybe even the best year yet.
My company has turned a corner 17 years in the making and 4 years after making a bold decision to fundamentally change the nature of the business. I am completing a two-year term as Chapter President of the South Florida Entrepreneurs’ Organization, and the chapter has grown to one of the largest and most respected in the world. My marriage still feels like a perpetual honeymoon after 22 years, and all of our kids are thriving in their individual worlds. Through the leadership mentoring I’m doing, I am connecting to my core purpose and happiness. And this is important context for what I’m about to share. It was about 6 weeks ago when I was alone in my car with Megan, headed to Ft. Meyers for the day. She came along for the ride under false pretenses, thinking she was going to help me with a project. Instead Lisa and I had decided to buy her a car to celebrate her accomplishments, and unbeknown to her, we were on our way to pick it up. As we drove across Alligator Alley, we got into a deep conversation—like the many we’ve had in the past going to camp outs and family trips. She was sharing a recent achievement from her school year, and my curiosity was piqued. “So Megan,” I asked her.
“Considering how much your high school experience has turned around and how much you are accomplishing now, what was it that really made the difference for you?”
She paused for just a moment and then responded with words and a smile that literally took my breath away. “I just watched you, daddy.”
“Stay curious my friends, and don’t allow life’s “little” challenges to affect what’s possible. They might just be exactly what you need to propel your life forward to even better possibilities.
